Couples

Couple relationships are complicated- just ask anyone who is in one! No matter how much you love each other, it takes consistent hard work for two people to operate smoothly together. Whether you need a minor tune-up or a major overhaul, or something in between, working with a relationship professional can make a world of difference.

Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT) is based on adult attachment theory/science. It views the central problem in a distressed relationship as the loss of secure emotional connection. Couples that are together for a long time typically get stuck in a negative interaction pattern when topics are tense or sensitive. EFT focuses on identifying the triggers that drive your particular pattern. These patterns drive emotional disconnection and distance. In response, one partner pursues and the other withdraws. Both of these strategies are meant to protect the individual and the relationship, but when we are escalated, they just don’t do the job.

We will work together to conquer the negative cycles and stop the feelings of isolation and being misunderstood. EFT helps partners to take control of this negative dance and to send emotional signals about attachment needs and fears in a way that encourages their partner to respond with love and compassion. A new emotional experience of secure connection leads to a sense that the other person can be accessible, responsive and engaged. Partners can receive positive answers to the key question, “Are you there for me?” Partners who are able to openly reach for and connect with each other can create a safe haven bond. This kind of bond promotes the growth and resilience of both individuals.

Love Sense by Sue Johnson and Secure Love by Julie Menanno are two great books that explain attachment relationships.